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| Tuesday, April 25th, 2006 | | 9:16 pm |
A little help?
Radio Finland do a weekly Latin programme. I've been told it gets broadcast here, but I haven't been able to find out what station it's on. Google is useless. Does anyone here know what station it's on, and when? | | Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 | | 2:55 pm |
Today is not my best day ever...
I'm failing Latin. I know I am. I can't possibly be passing at the rate I'm going. I had my mid-semester test today. I spent all morning going through diclensions and conjugations, going over my work. It wasn't going to be open-book, so I had to memorise everything (like 32 different endings for an adjective). But my teacher told me it wasn't going to be hard, that I should have no problems with any of it. He was wrong. And how. I did not know a sodding thing on that test. It's not that it wasn't stuff we hadn't covered; we had. I just got there, and as soon as I closed my book and looked at the test I went completely blank. I couldn't remember a damned thing. I must have spent most of my time just staring blankly, trying to srape together something from that useless lump of clay that I have for a brain. I just couldn't do it. Even things I thought I had down-pat, I couldn't come up with them. If anything is going to save me it was translating the passeges at the end. I came up with something for most of them. Why am I such a moron? Does everyone know something that I'm not being let in on? There must be, because everyone else today flew through their tests without even pausing for thought. And here I am, struggling. I've spent just as much time in class as the rest of them. More in some cases. I write everything down. I do all the translations. What the fuck is the matter with me? And to top it all off, I got my homework from the weekend back today. I slaved away at this thing all weekend. I ususly get a bit over half the questions right. I got 4 out of 20. What the hell is wrong with me? The one thing that i was looking forward to this year. The one thing that I wanted to do for myself. The one thing I wanted to get right, and I can't. I just can't do it. It's impossible. But I can't pull out because it's past the census date and I'm already paid-up to the end of the year. I may as well have thrown that money away. I'm going to fail and theres nothing I can think of that I can do about it. I don't know why I bother. With anything. | | Thursday, March 23rd, 2006 | | 12:10 pm |
A - AVAILABLE?: I guess so, but hesitant at the moment. B - BEST FRIEND: Stefanie C - CRUSH Obvious. D- DADS NAME: Phillip. E - Elevators or Escalators? Less waiting for escalators. F - FAVORITE BAND? None in particular. G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: I'm indifferent. H - HOMETOWN: Melbourne. I - INSTRUMENT: None. I'm such an untallented little tard... J - Juice Flavour: Orange. K - KIDS. Hopefully, but unlikely. L- LONGEST CAR JOURNEY: Benalla to Mirimbula. M - MILK FLAVOUR? Chocolate. N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Four; two of each, all younger. O - ONE WISH: To find a point. P - PHOBIAS A few minor ones. Q- FAVOURITE QUOTE: Nothing that I can accurately remember. R - REASON TO SMILE There are a few I suppose. S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Some shite comming from RMIT cafeteria. T - TIME YOU WOKE Up: 7am. U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: That depends on what people already know... V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: There's quite a list... W- WORST HABITS: And again... X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Just teeth. Y - YUMMY FOOD: Some kind of meat. Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Leo. | | Friday, March 17th, 2006 | | 2:01 pm |
| | Sunday, February 19th, 2006 | | 4:16 am |
At least I have pie.
I'm sick and tired of jumping through hoops for people acceptance only to have my efforts trivialised and ignored. Work, friends*, collegues, all the same. There's too much bullshit. Why do I put up with it? I don't know, I just do. I have to, for reasons I don't even understand myself. It's crazy. I want to detatch. I want to break away, to exisit in my own little world and not care about what happens on the outside. But I've been there, done that, and look where it's gotten me. I just can't win. At least I have pie. Stefanie, you're the best. *Before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm refering to a few particulars here. It isn't you, because you would know if it was. | | Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 | | 10:37 pm |
I'm starting to think I should be nicer to people. Lately I've been rather irritable, and it's showing. It's not very becomming. I used to be a lot nicer, generaly. I don't know what's happened. Oh for gallantry to be second nature. | | Tuesday, January 31st, 2006 | | 12:30 am |
9 hours at work gives you planty of time to think...
Last week I invited some friends to come over to my place on Sunday. I thought it'd be nice seeing as I've just gotten my new room set up and I actualy have space for visitors now. Plus they had encouraged me to invite them around sometime. However, come Sunday, not one of them could be bothered turning up! Not that they actualy let me know they weren't comming: I had to message them and ask! Admittedly a couple of them had prior comittments, but still it would have been nice if they had let me know they weren't going to be comming rather than leave me waiting around to work it out for myself. Really lets me know where I stand. These next few weeks are going to be busy for me. Starting tomorrow afternoon is training for Res-Life at the Village. Feel the enthusiasm! *extreme sarcasm* I don't know, I'm just feeling a little aprehensive about the whole thing. I don't know why I'm doing this. It'll all be worth it in the end, I hope, but I can't shake a general feeling of unease about the whole thing. Angie would know what I'm talking about. I'm really starting to feel like I need a new job. The one I have now isn't too bad. It's close and somewhat convienient, and pays really well, but lately it's just been wearing me down a lot. I have started look around at places I would prefer to work. I'm putting a lot of thought into asking back at Galactic Circus to see if they're still willing to give me any shifts after so long, seeing as I'm still on the books there as far as I know. I think I would really enjoy working there, and the benefits are really appealing. Problem is, the pay is hardly worth it and it'd be a hastle commuting to and from the city, especialy the hours i'd probably have to work. Maybe when I'm back at Uni. If money wasn't an issue there'd be no question about it, but it is an issue hence there is a question. Maybe something will come up that makes the decision easier. Or maybe I just need more options. I think I'm going to take myself off the market, as it were. I know that sounds rather drastic after only two relationships, but having my heart broken twice hasn't exactly been pleasant. Over last year, I was very much in love with two of the most amazing women I had ever known. But both times I just wasn't good enough for them, and was cast aside like dead weight, without any hesitation. I've been thinking it over and over more times than I care to remember, and I still don't understand why. I wish I could be one of those people who just bounces back and moves on with their life. Oh how I wish I could be that. But I'm not, and I don't want to ever go through it again. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself and how I've behaved in the aftermath of a breakup. I don't like the kind of person I become as a result. My expectations are too high now. I won't ever find anyone else like them again. The last thing I want to do is bget into a relationship only to look apon it as a compromise. That's not fair to me, and It's especialy not fair to whoever I'm with. Best I'm not with anyone than that. I miss people. I feel so alone. Sure, I have friends around, but it feels so distant at the moment. I miss the few who I could always depend on, who were always there for me. I miss that familiarity and closeness. I'd like people to visit me, though that's probably not very practical with all that's going on. I can't wait to get back to Uni. Maybe things will all fall into place and I can finaly start moving forward. I'm sick of floundering, going from one day to the next. I need direction. I need purpose. I need to feel like I'm doing something. I need my life to start, and I need to live it. ( Quiz result ) | | Thursday, January 26th, 2006 | | 3:23 pm |
| | Tuesday, January 24th, 2006 | | 9:34 pm |
How does she do it?
No matter how good or excited I feel, no matter how bright my outlook is, she always manages to throw me back into a pit of dispair. She doesn't even have to do anything. It's like I'm being toyed with. She'll watch me twist, watch me fall, then won't give me a second thought. It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't care. I wish I didn't. I should be passed this. But why aren't I? So fucking pathetic. So when you said you would always be my friend, you were just pretending? | | 3:06 am |
I just love the sentiment in this song. It makes me feel all mushy inside. :o) ( Wolfsheim - Blind ) | | Monday, January 23rd, 2006 | | 1:52 am |
| | Friday, January 20th, 2006 | | 12:18 am |
Some good news.
Got an offer today from Melbourne University for the Beginners Latin course. Enrollment in February. Phase Two of my plans for 2006 is now complete. | | Tuesday, January 17th, 2006 | | 2:41 am |
I need something positive.
I know it's selfish, but it's true. Just something to let me know all the effort I put into everything counts for something. Anything. Something tangable. Something for those times when I am so completely overwhelmed, I can turn to it and know that I'm on the right track. Because right now I don't see the point. It's too hard. ( Within Temptation - Angels ) Current Mood:  worried | | Sunday, January 8th, 2006 | | 11:35 pm |
I feel so... Ordinary.
I can't help shaking an ovewhelming feeling of inferiority. The more time I spend with friend and social gropus, I can't help but think how incredibly dull I am. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am (yeah, lets go with that...), but what exactly is there? I have trouble expressing myself at the best of times. I often feel sidelined in conversation due to lack of experience, intellegence or vocabularly. Even this very post is proving to be a struggle to articulate. You'd think with the people I spend time with, who in most cases are the most facinating people I have ever met, something would rub off. But no, I just sit back feeling stupid and hope no one else notices. There are so many I envy, if for no other reason than their ability to express themselves with seemless confidence and absolute clarity. Their knowledge on any topic from mundane trivia to science to current events is no less than humbling. Why can't I be like that? Where did I go wrong growing up? Maybe if I was smarter I wouldn't have been cast aside so easily. Maybe if I was something. Meh, enough of this wangsting. Incoherant nonsence anyway. I'm still waiting to hear back from Melbourne Uni about the Latin course. I had to go in the other day to show origional copies of my academic transcripts. It's somewhat reasuring that they get in touch with me about this rather than just knocking me back outright. I should hear back in the next couple of weeks. I am really looking forward to getting back to Uni. I need something meaningfull to dostract me from all this crap. This summer has been far too stressfull. | | Thursday, January 5th, 2006 | | 1:28 am |
 | | The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)
Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
Your exact opposite:
The Hornivore
Random Brutal Sex Master
| While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet |
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: 230782 |
| | Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 | | 12:47 am |
| | Saturday, December 31st, 2005 | | 6:17 am |
"I don't see you acting in the best interests of the venue..."
That's what my boss said to me today when I explained what was going to be happening in regards to my avaiability. While not a "you're sacked" as such, it is by no means an encouraging thing for me to hear, especialy now. I don't need this shit!It's probably my own stupid fault, overcommitting myself. There was no reason why it wouldn't work out. It's not like anything I have on right now takes up a huge amount of my time. It all fit when I planned it. But people had to go in and mess that up, didn't they? They had to get all demanding and inflexible. They had to decide to double-book me and make me sort everything out over and over again. How am I supposed to let them know what I'll be doing in a month when I don't even know next week? If everything could have just been left alone, it would have been fine. This summer has be far, far too stressfull. I don't know how I'm going to cope next year. | | Monday, December 26th, 2005 | | 2:53 am |
Merry Christmas!
I hope yours went better than mine. Well, really, it wasn't that bad. Rather uneventfull. Didn't really feel like doing anything more than usual. Still, it would have been nice to see some friends or maybe do something. Good to see quite a few people at Carmilla's last night. Tried to ring a few people today to wish them a Merry Christmas, but very few answered. *glares at someone in particular* Oh well, I guess some had their reasons. (Thanks for the phone call, Kittie! *hugs*) Enough of this grumpyness. New Years soon. New suit to try out. Next year to look forward to. Need to start getting things together and moving forward. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and looking very much to seeing you all soon! ( Quiz results ) | | Sunday, December 25th, 2005 | | 6:34 am |
| | Thursday, December 22nd, 2005 | | 3:37 am |
I need a holiday...
You know those situations when you've tried to get yourself ahead but just end up shooting yourself in the foot? Well, I'm in the middle of that right now. The crux of this problem came about this evening when I oh-so-splendedly managed to have myself double-booked: and evening shift at work and an AHA shift at the Village (Angela would know all about these). I had arranged that a friend of mine would cover for me untill I was finished work. However, with about an hour left, he called me up saying that he wouldn't be able to help. So I franticly called every other Res-Lifer, none of whom were able to help out. I managed to get back to my friend, beg him to cover for me, and he managed to get back to the Village in time. Still, the Manager is probably going to hear about this and the last thing I need is her to have yet another problem with me. It's not my fault these things happen. Getting to work, I see my Boss and ask if everything has been sorted out with my shifts, since they have been clashing a lot with other things lately. His reply was "Come January we'll talk about that", or something to that effect. Rough translation: "January, you're sacked". Just what I fucking need. Then sometime during the shift he comes to me with the new roster, asking if the shifts were okay. Not the ones I would have prefered, but still they're managable. Of course, it would be easier if I could work days. So, maybe I won't get sacked. But still, I feel that I should start looking for a new job before I push things a little too far with this one. I haven't even told my Boss about February yet. All this has been far too stressfull. Really, I don't have that much on my plate right now. A few shifts at work and the occasional stint at the Village. The only problem is they continualy fall on the same nights! The accuracy is uncanny, almost as if it was planned! I'm about this close to having an attack of some kind. I just can't cope with this crap for much longer. Every time I think I have it all sorted, something or someone throws a spanner in the works. I DON'T NEED THIS! Damnit, I wish I had someone I could cuddle up to right now. I need the comfort. But right now I'm just exchanging uncomfortable glanses with S***a across the Forum (figuratively speaking of course. No, I'm not fucking stalking you). |
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